Broken Promises
by Beccky
Summary: When Eli breaks his promise by messing with Fitz, Clare gets hurt and sexually assaulted by Fitz protecting Eli when Fitz wants revenge. Fitz gets arrested, but he might return. And Clare is going to do everything she can so that Eli does not go after Fitz to avenge her. But will Fitz get payback, and will itbe permanent? Rated T for sex abuse,violence & more. Read&Review please!:)
1. Consequences

**Hey guys! This fanfic takes place after the Las Vegas Night episode. This is my first Degrassi fic and it came to me while I was trying to continue writing The Bond Of Love. This fanfic will probably be about 5-10 chapters, and I'll probably update by this Friday, but reviews will help me update! Anyways, as for the Bond of Love, I hope to actually update by the end of this week, I totally forgot to finish writing the chapter. Hope you like this story!**

**~~~Beccky**

This wasn't supposed to have happened. What used to be a mere rivalry exploded into a full-on feud. A war fueled by pure hatred. Hate. This is what landed us in this mess. Something that had erupted and lost control between Eli and Fitz. They couldn't – wouldn't let the other win this idiotic fight. And, I, Clare…was caught in the middle.

No matter what I tried to do to keep the peace between them, it always backfired in my face. It angered me so much that they couldn't let a stupid fight go. They had to keep fueling the fire. I _begged _Eli to let it go, be the bigger man. Apparently he couldn't do that. Neither could Fitz, he was too proud, just like my Eli. I had thought, after numerous attempts on my part,that they had reconciled. No. It wasn't enough, not for Eli. He just had to slip ipecac into his drink during Vegas Night. "No, Clare," he had told me, "I need to do this. I have to put an end to this myself." I should've fought harder to change his mind. Better yet, I should've taken the drinks and dumped them. Eli would've been mad, sure, but it would be for his benefit. I should've done that. But no. I let him go on with his trick, I let him give Fitz a real reason to go after him.

He thought that he had finally one-upped him, but Eli didn't know how far he had pushed Fitz the second he passed him that drink. He had thought it was finally over, but he was dead wrong. God, it's just so stupid. I remember being in the gym, hanging out with Alli I think, when I saw it. The vengeful glint of the knife…in Fitz's hand. That Fitz had walked up to me, a cold smirk on his face, and said, "If you think your boyfriend's sorry now, he will be when I'm through with him." My eyes had widened in shock and I vaguely recall scrambling through the crowd, searching frantically for Eli. It felt like it had been years when I spotted him in his Red shirt and black tie. I couldn't take a moment to admire him, so I ran up to him, explaining to him Fitz's motives. "Eli we _have _to get out of here, Fitz has a knife."

She grabbed him by the hand and without another word, took off with him. They made their way into a hallway, before they stopped. Eli gazed into her baby blue eyes, holding her hand firmly. "I'm not gonna be scared of him, Clare. I can't be scared anymore." Clare's eyes widened in disbelief. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. "But, Eli, he has a knife!", She had already warned Adam to tell Simpson what was going on, but she was worried nothing would happen in time. "You don't know what he's going to do, he's really-" She was cut off by another voice in the room. She saw Eli's eyes go wide with shock and horror, before turning around.

There Fitz stood, his lips contorted in a twisted smirk, and the knife gleaming in his hand. "Well, well, Emo boy. I believe that's my date you're making time with", he said coldly. Before Eli could say something stupid, Clare stepped towards him, desperation in her eyes. "Please, Fitz. Please don't do this. Eli's sorry. It doesn't have to-", she was cut off by Fitz yelling at her. "Shut up, bitch! And get out of the way!" He tried to maneuver around her to get to Eli, but without thinking, she kicked him in the groin. He doubled over in pain, slurring insults at her.

She expected him to be on the ground for at least a few minutes. But he wasn't. Almost immediately he got up from the ground and pushed her up against the wall. "You fucking bitch," he spat at her. "You just couldn't resist playing mommy and saving your little boyfriend. Well, now here's the consequence." Before Eli could do anything to stop him, Fitz had punched Clare in the stomach. She wailed in pain, but that didn't stop him. He slammed his fist into her stomach yet again before holding her against the locker by her throat. Eli tried to hurt him to get him to loosen his grip, but Fitz pointed the knife to Clare's neck. "You try anything and Goody Two Shoes here gets it." As Eli reluctantly backed down, Fitz turned back to Clare.

"You know," he hissed, "Since I paid for that corsage you're wearing, and those tickets, I think you owe me something." With that being said, he slowly let his hand wander to her breasts. Clare started to struggle and protest. "No, Fitz! Please, don't do this! Just let us go…we won't tell anyone, I promise!" Her words fell on deaf ears as Fitz ignored her and she began to cry. She locked eyes with Eli whose own green ones were failing at trying to hide tears. Clare felt like she was going to throw up as that _monster _groped her.

She squeezed her eyes shut until she felt the cool metal against her skin. Her eyes shot open as she saw him cutting her dress open. Feeling the cool air on her skin made her realize just how very real this was, and she sobbed. His cold, clammy mouth clamped down on hers to shut her up. She just stared at the ceiling while Fitz molested her. There was nothing she nor Eli could do to stop this. She was just going to have to somehow deal with it. Suddenly, Clare heard voices down the hall. It sounded like Mr. Simpson and another unidentifiable voice. At that, Fitz dropped his knife and tried to run, but it was too late. Mr. Simpson rounded the corner with a police officer and he gasped in shock at the sight.

"Mr. Fitzgerald, Mr. Goldsworthy, Ms. Edwards! What is the meaning of this?", Eli stepped forward to rehash what happened. "Sir, Mark Fitzgerald came at us with a knife, intending to hurt me, but Clare distracted him and he went after her instead and…assaulted her." There was blatant fury in his eyes, pure rage because he could do nothing to help her without risking her getting hurt. Everything was silent until Clare's quiet voice spoke. "That's not all. This…stupid feud they've been having, it got too far. I set off the stinkbomb so Fitz wouldn't hurt Eli for pulling a prank on him. And they've just been going at each other relentlessly. But Fitz was going to hurt Eli…I'm sorry Mr. Simpson. I …don't know what to say."

She buried her face in her hands and sobbed as the officer handcuffed Fitz and took him away. Principal Simpson stared at the two students, disappointed. "So, you lied to me. But…that's not what's important now. We need to take you to the hospital, Ms. Edwards. I will be calling your parents." He shook his head at what just occurred. "And just so you know, when you guys return from break, Degrassi is going to be an entirely different school." With that, he turned on his heel and led them outside to the ambulance. As they rode to the hospital, Eli and Clare only had to look each other to know it wasn't over with Fitz.


	2. Confessions

_**Here's Chapter Two for everyone Enjoy!**_

_12 Hours Later: 9 AM, Saturday morning. _

It was a bleary Saturday morning; the sky was gray, and the air uncomfortably cold. A Saturday where it was exactly how Clare and Eli felt; bleak.

Almost 12 hours later, and it felt like the incident that had happened that Friday night was only mere minutes ago. After they had arrived at the hospital, Clare was seen by a doctor they didn't know.

There were bruises already forming in an unsightly cluster where Fitz had hit her, and purple bruising around her neck where she had been held. It wasn't as serious or as painful as the wounds she suffered emotionally or mentally. That's what killed her inside. It wasn't the fact she got assaulted, it was the fact that it had happened to her while she had tried to diffuse a war. That her own kindness got thrown back at her.

Clare had been in such a hysteric state, that the doctor had decided to sedate her before her parents had arrived. Eli had held her hand the whole time, and had covered for her as to why she was here in the first place. Sugar-coated it so Clare could tell them when she was ready.

She was free to go hours later, and it pained her to be without Eli. It scared her. Her parents had insisted on being the ones to take Clare home, but Eli refused. He told them that he had been with her the whole time, and he would leave with her.

For some reason, they didn't argue. And that's how it came to Clare sitting in the passenger seat of Morty, Eli's hearse. Neither one of them were sure how long they sat there, before Eli spoke.

"Clare, I don't even know where to begin. I'm so sorry this happened, I'm sorry I didn't try to stop Fitz. I'm so sorry I couldn't save you…I.." His voice broke as he trailed off, tears threatening to spill.

Her sky blue eyes focused on his emerald ones and took his hand in hers.

"Eli. You have to know it wasn't your fault. It was Fitz. You were doing what you thought was right."

She wasn't sure if she truly believed the words that came out of her mouth, but there really _was _nothing Eli could've done to help her. If Eli had taken action, would she be here right now? Though, Eli let the stupid feud continue. That's what landed her in this mess. So, Clare wasn't entirely sure she was mad at Eli, because she was also mad at herself.

She snuck a glance at Eli, and she felt her heart give a tiny flutter. It was both their faults this happened, so she couldn't be that angry with Eli. Clare was in shock and denial that this could happen to her. A sbitter smile formed on her lips, but faded instantly as a thought came over her. Eyes filled with defeat, she asked a question she was sure she knew the answer to.

"I have to tell them what really happened, don't I?"

Eli sighed and rubbed his thumb over the top of her wrist, comfortingly.

"You do, Clare-Bear. As much as you hate it, they have to know what really happened."

"But what if they're ashamed of me? I'm scared of what they'll say if they know what Fitz did to me."

She felt the tears building up and filling her eyes again, but she couldn't fight them this time. They spilled down her flushed cheeks in agonized rivulets as she cried.

"Clare. Listen to me." He cupped her chin in his hand and wiped away her tears. "They are your parents. No matter what you do, your parents are always going to love you. You did nothing wrong, the only reason they would be angry is the same reason I am; because you couldn't be protected."

He leaned over to kiss her cheek lightly. Clare knew he was right, she was just scared that the truth had to come out. She felt dirty, like she committed a sin, but she knew she hadn't. Fitz did. Everything about her had been violated; her trust, her heart, and her innocence.

She knew that the Christian wanted to forgive and forget, but it's not like Fitz stole a candy bar, he stole a part of her. How would she be able to forgive, to forget that? But she had to come clean to her parents. Eli was right. They loved her, no matter what.

"You're right, Eli. I'm just nervous. I'm just so happy that you're here, with me."

He gave her a small smirk, and put the key into the ignition. "I'm just happy that I have you, safe and sound. With me."

A faint blush spread over her cheeks and she let out a tiny giggle, her anger momentarily forgotten. Eli had his faults, but in the end he really own meant well when it came to her. This was love, they would get through this…right? Eli started driving her to her house, and the car became silent again as they were both immersed in their own thoughts.

She was occupied thinking about what might happen when Fitz got out of Prison. Would he come after her again? Or Eli? No. She wouldn't think about that right now. Fitz was far away paying for his sins in a tiny dank cell. He would _not _control her life, be her fear. Everything was going to be better. She had Eli, after all.

Eli finally pulled up to her house, and he turned to her.

"Do you want me to go in with you? You know, for moral support?" She smiled up at him, but shook her head.

"No, but thank you. I need to do this by myself. Can I call you later though? After I tell them?" Eli placed an arm around her, returning her smile. "I was afraid you'd never ask, m'lady." She snorted at his comment before leaning up to peck him on the lips. Some people might find it weird or wrong that she was in physical contact with him, but she wouldn't let what happened affect her.

She was going to be strong. Eli's lips were comforting to her. His soft, warm lips fit hers perfectly. Clare couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend. Even after what happened. Eli meant the world to her. Though she was resistant to pull away from the safety of his embrace, Clare knew she had to.

"Eli, I really hate to leave now… but I have to." Her voice became saddened.

Eli sighed, and nodded. He knew she had to get this over with.

"I know. But you call me the second you're done talking to them, alright, Blue Eyes? I miss you already. He gave a small smirk as he looked at her.

"I miss you too, Goldy." Her light blue eyes glinted with amusement.

"Hey! Don't call me that, Clare-Bear." He stuck out his tongue out her, as she reached over to open the car door. She hopped out and turned to face him again.

"Well, we'll have to discuss a new nickname for you when I call you later, sound good?" Eli laughed, and so did she.

"Alright, Clare. I'll talk to you later. I love you." He pulled away as she returned an "I love you," back, before going into her house.

Her parents were sitting at the dining table, waiting for her. Both of them looked up as she closed the door, and she walked over and sat down across from them.

"Mom. Dad. There's something I have to tell you, about what happened. Her mother, Helen, turned to look at her father, and then looked at Clare.

"What is it, Honey?" Her father asked, concerned.

Clare swallowed hard, and for a second she couldn't breathe. But she had to continue.

"It's Fitz…He didn't just hit me..he.." She trailed off, trying to compose herself.

"What did he do, Clare? Please, tell us." Her mother begged, not knowing what to expect.

Clare stared at the wall above their heads, focusing on the color as she proceeded to tell them.

"Fitz… sexually assaulted me." She shut her eyes in embarrassment as her mother gasped.

"How could this happen, Clare?" Her mother cried, unwilling to think something so dirty could happen to someone so pure.

Her father turned to look at her mother, his face contorted in mild rage.

"It doesn't matter how it happened, Helen! All that matters is that it did, and our daughter needs us!" He raised his voice at the end of his sentence, causing Clare to flinch.

Her mother didn't react to being yelled at and instead asked another question.

"Why did Eli do nothing to prevent this? What kind of boy does that?"

Clare suddenly became infuriated at her mother's words. How dare she insinuate that Clare asked for this to happen, and then in the same breath blame her boyfriend? What world was her mother living on?

"You know, Mom, I thought that as my mother you would comfort me, but instead I get blamed for something horrible that happened to me. It's. Not. My. Fault." She got up from her chair, and rushed upstairs to her room, leaving her parents to start another argument, yet again.

She would call Eli later. She just wanted to sleep. School was starting again this Monday, and she needed to prepare herself for a new Degrassi.

**Annnnnd, Scene. In the next chapter, I'm going to include Adam and Alli as they're going to help both Eli and Clare move on from what happened. I felt like this was a good chapter for Eclare because it made Clare really think about her feelings on what happened, and whether she thought it was Eli's fault or not. Warning: There ****will ****be Eclare fluff in the next chapter. Anyways, Read & Review! That keeps the chapters a'coming! **

**~~~Beccky**


	3. Depression, And Solutions

**Hope you guys like this chapter, it was tough for me to write. Anyways, on with the Story!**

Mr. Simpson definitely kept his word when he said Degrassi would be an entirely different school. Many changes were enforced, such as all students being required to wear uniforms. Not to mention there was some sort of scanner situated at the front doors of the school. What on earth was that for…?

Clare looked down in mild disdain at the uniform she was forced to wear; a navy blue shirt and a bland beige skirt. She didn't understand why this was being required, but she wasn't that upset. Alli was sure as hell going to be, though. Being fashionable is one of the things she loved; and that freedom was taken away. She stood there by the stairs, deep in thought about what had occurred over the last few days.

It felt immensely refreshing that Fitz would not be walking through these halls. That he wouldn't be able to mock her. Even better, she had Alli, Adam, and Eli by her side. But she still didn't feel much better, in fact, she felt even more depressed. Clare definitely needed them at this time in her life, with things being even more tense, miserable, and uncomfortable at home. They were her home away from home. Her family. Clare was so deep in thought that she didn't even hear the footsteps behind her. She whipped around as a hand touched her shoulder, and she came face to face with Adam.

"Hey Clare, why the sad face?" His smile seemed to be brighter than the sun, and Clare was momentarily jealous; she wanted to be happy like that. But.. She couldn't spill the beans to Adam.

Adam knew Fitz had a knife that night, but he never found out what happened after. She went with the first excuse she could think of.

"Just missing Eli, that's all." She gave a small smile as Adam rolled his eyes at her. "Man, love is in_tense_. Ha, Eli should be here soon though." Clare chuckled softly and shifted her gaze around, searching. Where was Eli anyway?

Adam noticed that she wasn't acting the same as she usually did, and the smile quickly fell off his face. He touched her arm and looked at her, completely serious.

"Yo, Clare, everything okay? You seem kinda, I don't know…off."

The color drained from Clare's face, and she inwardly panicked. Did he know? How would he know? Eli couldn't have told him, could he? No… maybe she should confess to Adam.

Adam watched her silently slip into freak out mode, and he tried to get her to talk again.

"Umm, Earth to Clare… you know you could talk to me if something's up, right?"

Without thinking, she took Adam by the arm and dragged him towards a secluded corner. Clare let out a huge sigh, as she prepared herself to tell Adam what happened.

After she had finished explaining, she could only stand back and observe as Adam flipped out. "He did WHAT? Fitz did that to you? But why?" His voice was laced with frustrated anger, and Clare shook her head at him, at a loss for words.

"I don't know. Probably because I got in the way of his revenge. I honestly don't know." Adam gave her a sad smile, and hugged her. And that's what did the damage. Clare immediately broke down into tortured sobs, unable to control herself. Adam dragged her down to the ground and placed an arm around her shoulder.

"Whoa, Clare. Why are you so upset? Everything's going to be okay, okay?" Clare wiped her eyes and sniffled, attempting to compose herself. A weight had been lifted, but she was still weighed down into a spiral of depression.

"E-everything has just been so… s-so bad at home. That's the first time someone actually hugged me since it happened, other than Eli. My parents are either silent or they're fighting, it's hell over there. There's no peace, and I'm miserable. I don't want to have to keep running to Eli every-time I'm sad. I can't do that to him. Oh, Adam.." She continued to sob, and didn't even notice Adam staring behind her. "Um, Clare…" he tried to say, but Clare talked over him. "Adam, I don't know what I'm going to do, I can't live like this, I tried to be strong, I really did… but when I'm without Eli… I'm afraid that I might do something."

Adam's eyes widened at this, and the person who had been behind them revealed themselves. "Clare Edwards! You are NOT thinking about what I think you're thinking about." Clare jumped in surprise and turned to see Alli stand before her.. "A-Alli, why were you listening to my conversation?" She frowned at her.

"That is not important right now, Clare! Why on earth would you want to … Kill yourself?" Alli's chocolate brown eyes gazed at her sadly. She knew what happened because she had overheard her mother talking to Clare's.

"Because! I'm so tired of living like this… I'm always getting hurt. I really don't want to have to cry to Eli when the going gets tough, but…my life is way too hard right now, and I just can't."

Alli wrapped Clare into her arms and rubbed her back soothingly. "Oh, Honey. I know it seems really really hard right now, but you have to be positive. Suicide is not the answer, okay? Just… talk to Eli. _Really _tell him how you feel."

Clare nodded, but she didn't respond. She didn't know how Eli would feel if she told him her true feelings; that her happiness was a mask.

She turned to Adam, who still hadn't let go of her hand.

"Adam… when I tell him, would you please stay?" She sniffled some more, willing herself not to cry.

"Of course! Anything, Clare. I'm here for you."

EPOV

Eli bounded down the steps of his house and opened Morty's door. "New" Degrassi was starting today, and he didn't want to make a bad impression by being late. Plus, he'd promised he would meet Clare before school started, seeing as they hadn't talked about what happened with her parents. He brushed the hair out of his eyes as he drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, attempting to ease his nerves.

Honestly, he was nervous of what Clare would say, because he wasn't sure how to comfort her. Eli didn't know how to relate to Clare's current home life, as his was stable. All he wanted to do was be able to say the right thing. The last thing he wanted to do was drive the one constant in his life away from him. He took a deep breath, and put the key into ignition, starting the car. The thoughts couldn't help but run through his troubled mind; if he had done what Clare said, would things be different?

Eli stepped on the gas, and made his way towards school. He couldn't wait to see his blue-eyed, curly-haired angel. He was beginning to realize that Clare was the love of his life. She was…perfect. He didn't think that at any other point in his life he was happier than now. CeCe and Bullfrog, his parents, could even tell he was happier. With Clare, everything was different. It was smooth sailing, easy, perfect. She calmed him down and made him look at the world differently. Sure, he still had some problems here and there, but Clare was there to support him. And he would sure as hell be there to support her if she damn well needed it. He, Elijah Goldsworthy, was in deep-rooted, head-over-heels, love.

He kept driving until Degrassi's parking lot came into view. Making a right turn, he pulled into one of the available spots. Noticing that the gas was running low on Morty, Eli pat the dashboard of the car reassuringly.

"Don't worry, Mort. I'll fill you up after school. See you later!" With that, he grabbed his bag and stepped out of his car. It felt good to be here, to finally see Clare. He also had to find Adam, too. They needed to catch up. He and Adam hadn't really got a chance to talk since the incident, but that was about to change. This was going to be a good rest of the year, even with the stricter school rules. He walked towards the front of the school until he saw who he was looking for, or well, people he was looking for. Eli made his way towards Adam, Clare, and Alli.

When he finally reached them, he plastered a giant smile on his face. "Hey, Adam! Alli, Clare-Bear." Alli turned to look at him, and shifted her gaze back to Clare, mumbling a "hey, Eli, um.. I got to get to class." And hurriedly left the group. Hmm. Weird, but Eli shrugged it off.

Then Adam shifted so that Eli could fully see Clare, and concern immediately washed over him. Clare was a mess. Her beautiful baby blue eyes were red-rimmed and glassy, her face was flushed and tearstained, lips quivering. "Whoa, Clare! What's wrong?" He knelt down in front of where she was sitting, and put his hand on her arm.

Clare sniffled, and her throat closed up as she tried to bet the words out. "Um.. Eli we need to….talk." Her sweet voice broke on the last word and it broke Eli's heart.

"Of course, Clare. Talk to me, what's going on?" His green eyes were full of nothing but compassion and concern.

"I don't know what to do anymore… I f-feel like I'm at the end of my rope, and I can't… c-can't…" She trailed off into sobs, and covered her face in her hands. Eli didn't know what to say because he didn't know what the exact problem was, so he turned to Adam.

Adam just gave a small nod, and began to explain what Clare told him. "Clare's really in a bad place right now, Eli. She told me that when she told her parents, it just got totally worse. Her mom started to act like It was Clare's fault everything happened,instead of supporting her. I guess that her religion means so much to her that Clare doesn't even matter. Clare feels completely lost, and…." He looked to Clare for permission to continue, who gave it. Eli was confused.

"And, what, Adam? What happened?" He became increasingly worried with every word that came out of Adam's mouth.

Sighing, Adam decided to continue speaking, but was cut off suddenly by Clare.

"Eli…I don't want to be here anymore.. I can't. I would just feel better if.. if… I didn't have to suf-"

Eli suddenly became infuriated, and he couldn't control it. He knew what Clare was trying to say, and he wouldn't have it.

"If you didn't have to suffer?!," He roared. "Suicide, Clare, really? That was your solution? I'm here for you! Adam's here for you! You could've came to us as soon as things got worse! CeCe and Bullfrog would have let you stay, no questions asked! Why didn't you talk to me?," Eli screamed, unable to contain his anger.

Clare only sobbed harder, and her hands began to shake as Eli got angrier. "I didn't want to have to burden you again, you've already been there for me so much…I didn't want to throw all my problems at you…" She sniffled, and refused to look at him.

Eli was beyond livid now, she wasn't making any sense. Did she really think suicide was the only answer?

"That's what I'm here for, Clare. To listen to you, to help you, to protect you. You can tell me anything! God, you know this! Why do you have to think like that? I won't let you be Julia all over again, I can't lose you!" He felt his own tears burning up in his eyes, and Clare reached out for him

"Eli, I'm sorry…please. I just don't know what to do…"

He shook his head and backed away, unwilling to deal with this right now. He needed air. Eli needed to fix this.

"I- I have to go, Clare. I'll…talk to you later. Bye, Adam." He turned and walked away towards his car before he had the chance to cry. He barely heard Adam shout at him, "Eli, what the hell! Come back!" as he walked on. He…just couldn't deal with Clare right now. Not until he found a way to fix it. Eli was going to Clare's house. To talk to her parents.

**Chapter Three, Done. Wow, The Eli-Clare fight was really hard for me to write, and the suicide mentions. So… Eli's going to talk to Clare's parents. That will be included in the next chapter, along with a heart-to-heart between Eli and Clare. Hopefully will update by Tuesday or Wednesday… If I can get reviews to at least 10. So, read and review& the story continues!**

**~~Beccky3**


	4. For Love

**A Shout-out to those who gave reviews! Thank you very much, It made me extremely happy to hear such positive feedback. (P.S I cant wait to see the third part of season 13 of Degrassi! Pull through, Eclare!) This chapter is for you guys Enjoy!**

The drive to the Edwards' house was excruciating. His phone had gone off at least a dozen times, and he didn't need to check to know it was Adam. It was wrong of him to leave Clare at that exact moment.

He knew it was. But Eli just couldn't bring himself to hear the love of his life tell him that she wanted to die. It hurt him terribly, because his love for her was so strong. All she had to do was come to him, he would've fixed or at least tried to fix her problems. Most importantly, he would've given her the support he needed.

He didn't realize that things were that bad for Clare at home. If he had known, Eli would've taken her over to his house immediately. God, he would not go through this again, losing someone he cared about. This would **not**be Julia all over again.

Honestly, he hoped Adam wasn't mad at him and was trying to tell Clare that he meant well. That Eli was only trying to protect her, even if it was from herself. He finally made it to her house, and he climbed out of the car. Raking a hand through his hair nervously, Eli walked up the steps and knocked on the white door. And waited.

It seemed like centuries had passed before the door was pulled open, and revealed a very confused-looking Mr. Edwards.

"Eli. Uh, what can I do for you, Son?" Clare's father scratched the back of his head awkwardly. Eli rubbed his arm subconsciously, a nervous habit.

"You see, Mr. Edwards….," He began.

"You can call me Randall. Now, please continue." Mr. Edwards said curtly.

Eli sighed and thought about what he was going to say, for a moment.

"It's about Clare… I'm worried about her. Really worried."

Randall's face switched to a look of bewilderment. What was wrong with his daughter? Certainly she hadn't done anything wrong.. Hm.

"Why are you worried about my daughter, Eli?" Randall's lips pursed into a frown.

"She told our friend Adam that she wanted to..uh… commit suicide." Eli averted his eyes from Mr. Edwards' and stared at his feet.

"Now why on earth would Clare want to do that? Now I know she's upset about everything that's recently happened, but I still don't understand. She has a good home life an—" Eli cut him off, unwilling to listen.

"See, now. That's the thing, Mr. Edwards. She _doesn't _have a good home life, not at the moment. She mentioned that you and her mother not spoken to her since she told you the whole story, and all you and your wife have been doing is arguing. She feels incredibly alone, and she couldn't tell you guys that because you don't give her the time of day now." As he spoke, Eli felt himself get angrier and angrier. How dare her own father try to say her life is good. Doesn't he get it? His own daughter's falling apart before his own eyes.

Mr. Edwards ignored everything Eli just said. It was irritating and insulting.

"What are you trying to say, Eli?" He asked wearily.

A small smirk formed on Eli's lips. The man was going to say yes.

"I would like Clare to stay with me for the time being, until she feels better. I'm only looking out for her."

Clare's father's eyes widened in shock. What kind of request was that? Although… It would make trying to work things out with Helen a lot easier.

"How long would Clare be staying with you, if I were to approve?" He raised a brow at the boy.

"As long as she needs to. I'm here for her." Eli said simply.

Mr. Edwards tapped his chin with his forefinger thoughtfully. The boy didn't exactly pose a threat to his daughter's safety, and he seemed genuinely concerned.

"Well, son. I guess you could say we have a deal. As long as you don't hurt her." He glanced at the raven-haired boy curiously. No, this boy wouldn't do anything but was best for Clare. Helen was wrong about him.

Eli's face lit up and he stuck out his hand to shake Clare's father's. He took it, and gave a firm handshake. Eli could barely contain his happiness any longer.

"Thank you so much for this chance, Sir! Your daughter will be back to her old self in no time! I love her."

Mr. Edwards shook his head, amused with Eli's actions. The boy was clearly head-ver-heels in love with his daughter. If he made her happy, so be it. That's what God intended for her.

He made to shut the door as he parted words with Eli.

"Well, Alright. You go on and tell her the good news. Take care of her."

Eli grinned from ear-to-ear. "Of course I will, Sir."

With that, he bounded back down the steps and re-entered Morty. Pulling out his phone, he sent Adam a quick text. _Tell Clare 2 meet me at our tree aftr school. I found a way to fix everything. Her parents are okay with it; going to stay with me._

As he prepared to drive back to Degrassi, Adam texted him back, clearly happy and curious.

_KK. I'm going to be there as well. Gonna tell her right now. Cnt believe u got them to say yes!._

Eli smiled, and bobbed his head to a Dead Hand song he'd turned on. Yes. He was right. Today really _was _going to be an incredible day. Clare was going to be with him.

ADAM POV

Adam put his phone away after replying back to Eli. How the heck did he get Clare's uptight parents to agree to let her stay with him? Oh, yeah. 'Dumbass', he thought to himself. They're so wrapped up in their own fighting, they totally forgot about their own daughter. Jeez, parents.

Speaking of Clare, he had finally managed to calm her down from her hysteria. He had an arm wrapped comfortingly around her shoulders. Her blue eyes, rimmed red stared up at him. "Who was that, Adam?," she asked softly.

He gave her a small smile and brushed the hair out of his eye. "It was Eli." He replied simply.

A few emotions flickered over her face before Clare answered. What did Eli want, anyway?

"He found a way to help you, Clare. Like, a way so you won't so sad anymore. He talked to your parents… Shit! Wasn't supposed to tell you _that. _I was supposed to tell you that Eli wanted you to meet him at the tree after school." He scratched the back of his neck nervously as determination settled on Clare's face.

"Might as well tell me now, Adam. We'll still talk. But tell me." She raised a brow at him as he let out a nervous chuckle and cleared his throat.

"Well, uh. You see…" She wacked him in the arm playfully. "Spill it," she said impatiently.

"Eli went to talk to your parents…don't hit me. He couldn't stand to see you so miserable and he wanted to ease your pain so, he went to your house. Then he asked your parents if you could stay with him, as long as you needed to. They said yes." Adam sighed, and watched as Clare took all that information in. He saw a genuine, small smile start to form on her lips. A sparkle came to her formerly dull eyes, and Adam smiled in return.

"I can't believe Eli did that for me!," Clare squealed. "I would've been mad if it were any other situation since he didn't ask me first, but… he saved me! Oh, god. What did I do to get such a great guy, Adam?"

Adam laughed at her and out of the corner of his eye, saw a familiar black car pull up in the parking lot behind them. Eli. Of course. The dude had perfect timing.

"Gee, I don't know, Clare. Why don't you ask Mr. Greatness himself?" He pointed in Eli's direction.

Clare followed his finger and without saying anything besides, "Thanks, Adam! See you later!," and ran towards Eli.

ClarePOV

As soon as Adam directed her towards Eli, she left him faster than a dog from the vet. She couldn't believe what Eli had done for her. It was so… thoughtful. She didn't know what she was going to do earlier, when Eli had left her in the midst of her mental breakdown. Clare had thought they were done. But… Eli surprised her yet again.

How on earth did he get her stubbornly strict parents to agree to let her stay with him? Oh, she could just kiss Eli right now. And that's exactly what she did. As soon as she was close enough, Clare grabbed Eli by the chin and brought his lips down to hers and kissed him with everything she had.

After a few moments, they both pulled away, and Eli's eyes were clouded with desire and confusion as he stared down at her.

"Clare…what the… what was that for?" He asked, terribly baffled.

She grinned ear to ear at him and took her hand in his. "For saving me. Adam told me what you did… and… you really don't know how much that means to me, Eli."

He smiled down at her, relieved that she wasn't upset anymore. He hated seeing her like that. Eli cupped her chin in his hand and tilted her head to look directly at him. "Clare. I would do anything for you. I'm so sorry about earlier. I just… couldn't bear the thought of losing you. It killed me inside."

She reached up to play with a piece of his hard, absentmindedly. "I know. I'm sorry I didn't come to you first. I was just scared."

They looked at each other in silence, green staring at blue. Clare rested her head against Eli's chest and sighed contentedly. But, a thought crossed her mind and she moved to face him. "Eli…", she said suspiciously. "Where am I going to be sleeping?"

Eli's face reddened as his eyes widened with surprise. "Uh… with me?" He asked, nervously.

Clare snorted and smacked him in the chest. "Hm. Okay," She said brightly. "But you better not try anything, Goldsworthy."

Eli laughed, and ruffled her hair, which he knew annoyed her.

"Oh, it hurts me deeply that you doubt me, Edwards." He flashed his famous smirk, and she let out a small giggle. Hearing that heavenly sound from her only made Eli wrap his arms around her tighter. It made his heart explode with euphoria that his Clare was able to smile again.

That he helped make it happen. God, he loved her. He decided that now would be a good time to take Clare so she could gather some of her things to bring to his house. She was going to stay with him. In his room. Eli couldn't wait.

"Hey, Clare. We should probably get going so we can get your things," He said suddenly. Clare nodded, and they both reluctantly broke apart from their embrace to get into the hearse.

The ride back to her house was pleasant. Eli used his free hand to hold Clare's while he drove, and her thumb rubbed over his hand as she gazed out the window. It was funny how the weather seemed to change to match her mood, he noticed. It went from gray, gloomy, and bleak to luminous, serene and blissful.

The situation with Fitz still left her on edge, but Eli managed to distract her from her worries. AS long as she was with him, Clare would have nothing to be afraid of. Eli would protect her, whatever it took.

As he pulled up yet again to her house, he watched her exit his car and enter her home to grab whatever she was taking. He sighed happily as he noticed her parents weren't home. That meant less stress for Clare. Good.

Minutes passed by before he saw Clare leave her house again, a purple gym bag into the passenger seat, he came to terms with the fact that for now, Clare would always be with him.

She would be happy, and safe. Eli couldn't have asked for anything better. He turned to her, the grin still on his face. His green eyes sparkled happily as he looked at the girl he loved.

"So. Are you ready?," He asked softly, never wanting to peel his eyes away from hers.

Clare returned the smile and reached over to peck him softly on the lips. Her eyes shined brightly with exuberance and glee. Everything that had seemed to taken a turn for the worse seemed to take another turn for the best.

**Annd, we there we have chapter 4. I thought Clare and Eli could use some much needed fluffiness, but there will be some drama in the next chapter. With some steamy romance. :P Keep reading to find out, and don't forget to review, people! I love hearing all the nice things you have to say!**

**~~~ Beccky**


	5. Recovery

**Hey Guys! I decided to do something different with Chapter 5. I know I've been writing in third person POV for this story so far, but I'm going to change it to first person for Clare's POV. I wanted to try something new. Enjoy! **

_She couldn't move. It was as if her limbs were cemented together, unwilling to let her have freedom. Then she felt it. The cool metal biting into her back, the pressure around her throat. Clare was back in the hallway with Fitz. Except, there was no Eli. Eli was gone, dead. Fitz had really stabbed him, he actually did it. Her lungs closed up and prevented her from screaming her heart out as she saw the love of her life slumped against the wall, the knife lodged in his chest. "Eli!," Clare screamed, desperate for him to wake up. Though it was to no avail. Eli didn't move, budge, or react in any way to Clare's cry. He was gone. Forever. She finally turned her attention back to Fitz who was smirking at her predatorily, savoring her anguish. Clare thrashed around as Fitz began to roam his free hand along her body, attempting to break free. "No!," She wailed, unable to mask her fear any longer._

"_Oh, don't waste any time crying over Emo Boy, especially when you got a real man right here," Fitz slurred. _

_Wasting no time as Fitz distracted himself by talking, Clare kneed him in the 'nads and punched him square in the jaw. She managed to crawl a few inches towards Eli, before her ankle was grabbed. Feeling herself being pulled back to the monster, Clare dug her nails with fierce determination into the tile, desperate tp hang on. To break free of this nightmare. But Fitz brought her back with one final pull, and he was on top of her. A new knife managed to materialize in his hand and he held it over her chest, tauntingly. _

"_You and Emo Boy really should have been more careful, Bitch," He spat menacingly at her. A leery smile stretched eerily on his face, and without hesitation, he brought the knife down on her, and drove it into her chest. As she felt darkness cloud her vision, Clare couldn't stop screaming. Even as she was slowly losing control, she couldn't stop screaming one word. Eli._

Eli hovered over Clare, panicking as he frantically tried to wake her up by calling her name. She was screaming and thrashing around on the couch, unable to be consoled. It was only moments later that he realized what exactly she had been screaming. His name. But, why? What could she possibly be having a nightmare about? He reached down again, using more force to shake her awake. The shaking seemed to go on for eternity before he saw her lashes flutter and her brilliant blue eyes open slowly. As she regained composure and full awareness, her eyes fixed on Eli. He saw her jump back in shock, and tears began to form in his eyes. "Eli?", Her voice was small and frightened, as if she was afraid he'd disappear. Eli made sure as to not have too much contact with her as he tried to comfort her without scaring her.

"Clare. Shh, it's me. I'm here, Blue Eyes. I'm here," he murmured softly, attempting to console her. She allowed him to wrap his arms soothingly around her, as his hand caressed her hair lovingly. Her big blue eyes turned up to look at him, and she choked out, "F-Fitz killed you… He killed me… W-what's going on?" It broke his heart to see her so fragile, so fearful. He only held her tighter to him as her body wracked with sobs against him.

"No, Clare. I'm okay, you're okay. Please, just breathe, baby." He felt tears filling up his own eyes as he beat himself up internally for not being able to stop her nightmare.

He felt her hands grip tightly on the back of his shirt, unwilling to brwak away from him. He scooped her into his arms, and tried to get her mind off what happened. "C'mon, Clare. Let's get you something to eat, okay?" She nodded meekly at him and he proceeded to carry her into the kitchen. Setting her down into a comfortable chair, Eli went to work on making some herbal tea and soup. He wanted her to have something warm, soothing.

As he was preparing everything, he stole a glance at her, and his heart felt a painful stab. Her head was hung low and she was just staring emotionlessly at her arms laid out before her. He noticed her body was slightly shaking, and it made him slightly angry before he bit it back down. The whistling of the tea kettle brought his attention back to reality, and he rushed over to pour a cup for her. He added a little bit of honey, just as she liked it. Carrying the tea carefully, he brought it over to her. "Here," he said softly, setting it down in front of her.

Clare raised her head and turned slightly to face him. Her eyes were impossibly blue with sadness as she uttered out a weak, "Thank you," before staring back at her arms. Eli just wished he knew what had triggered her to have another nightmare, what had caused her to experience such sadness and pain all over again. He racked his brain trying to find the answer, but he found none.

"Clare," he said gently, "I'm going to go make a phone call real quick, alright?" he waited for her to respond.

She nodded slightly, speaking barely above a whisper. "I think I'm going to take a shower." Eli nodded encouragingly, his eyes never leaving her as he saw her get up and head for the bathroom. He waited until he heard the faint thud of the door shutting upstairs, before he dialed a number on his phone. It rang at least three times before the person picked up the phone. "Oh, finally broke free away from your lover, have we?" Came Adam's teasing voice from the phone. Eli scoffed and ignored the comment.

"Listen. Clare's acting weird again, and I need you to come over so we can both cheer her up." There was silence on the phone before Adam answered. "Should I bring a movie, something funny? Y'know, lighten the mood?" He asked. Eli thought for a few seconds, before deciding that was okay. "Yea, but please make sure that it's actually a comedy and not a horror movie. She's feeling really down today. Come over in an hour. Text me when you're leaving," Eli instructed, not realizing how bossy he sounded.

"O-kay, Mr. Bossy Boss. Sure thing," Adam joked, before hanging up.

Eli set his phone back down on the table and rubbed a hand over his face, exasperatedly. He stood there without thinking for a few moments before what smelled like burning water wafted into his nostrils. "Shit!," Eli swore, as he realized the soup he had been making was burning. He hurried over to the pot of soup that was boiling furiously atop the stove. Turning the burner off, he grabbed a mitt and slipped it on, moving the pot to the side to let it cool off. At least the soup had been salvaged before it had become inedible. Though, he couldn't shake the feeling that making the soup had been pointless as he had called Adam.

Knowing his friend, not only would Adam bring a movie, or two, or three… he would most likely bring pizza. Adam loved his pizza. A small smirk tugged at his lips as he thought of his best friend. He decided to go and clean up the living room before Adam arrived. He picked up the pillows that had been strewn along the floor when Clare had had her nightmare. After that, he straightened the crooked rug, and folded the blanket and laid it on top of the couch. Eli finally went back into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of Coca-Cola. As he sipped the sugary goodness, Eli couldn't help but sigh with content. God, he loved that stuff. Right as he was about to go for another sip, there was an obnoxious knock on the door. Rolling his eyes, Eli went to answer it, fully aware as to who it was. He reached the door, and when he went to open it, it revealed Adam. He was holding two pizza boxes in his hand and what looked to be five DVD's. Wow.

"Hey! So let's get this party rollin'!," Adam said, overexcitedly.

Eli rolled his eyes and moved to let Adam pass into the house before shutting the door. He followed Adam into the living room where he set down the pizzas and laid out the movies. "So, Mr. Torres. What are our options for the evening?" Eli grinned slightly as he saw a horror movie out of the corner of his eye. He plopped down on the black leather couch and Adam followed in suit.

"Well, I got We're The Millers, SuperBad, Knocked Up, The Sitter, and … The Conjuring, uh, If Clare's okay with that." He chuckled nervously and relaxed as he saw Eli grin at him.

"Don't worry about it, dude. I've been dying to see this. We can watch it when Clare goes to sleep or something." He pat Adam on the shoulder, reassuring him that it was alright.

"Oh. Uh, well okay. Um… speaking of Clare. Where is she, anyway?," Adam asked.

"She's up in the shower, she should be down soon, though. She's been up there awhile…" He trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"Want me to go check on her, Eli?" Adam asked suddenly, and Eli knew there was a double meaning to his question. He wanted to make sure that Clare wasn't trying anything.

Eli nodded, and removed his feet from the coffee table so Adam could get by.

"Yeah. While you do that, I'll go set up drinks and stuff."

Adam nodded in agreement, and left the room.

CLARE POV (1st person)

I stood still in the shower, letting the scalding hot water hit me relentlessly on the back. It was soothing, as though that hot of water could wash away my nightmares, her fears. I honestly thought that I had gotten better, that my pain had been eased since Eli had taken me in. No. All I could feel was Fitz's hands all over me, ever so taunting, sadistic. I grabbed the black loofah off of the shower floor and brought it to my skin, and scrubbed. Every inch of my skin I scrubbed furiously, until peachy skin flushed with blotches of angry red. In utter frustration, I threw the stupid loofah at the wall. And sobbed. I, Clare Edwards, was tainted.

No, I wasn't raped. I didn't need to be. My dignity, self-respect, and innocence flew out the window the moment Fitz decided to violate me. I was tainted because I could do nothing to cleanse the dirtiness I felt crawling over me, refusing to wash away no matter how hard I scrubbed. Sinking to the floor, this immense sadness and disappointment in myself overpowered me. It had been minutes, though it seemed like hours when I finally decided to get up. Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped the cobalt blue towel around me. Not like I needed it. Since the attack, I always felt like I was exposed and vulnerable, no matter what. Nothing could cover me, protect me, not even Eli.

This brave, careless, _fake _front I put up to ensure everyone I was getting better, it was all a terrible lie. A terrible, deceitful lie, and the guilt ate away at me like worms on a corpse. Don't get me wrong, it _did _lift my spirits greatly that I could stay with the boy I loved, but I just didn't feel… the same. I tried so hard to overcome this depression that I was drowning in, but I seemed to barely reach the surface to happiness, freedom. My false strength was a cracking egg, threating to break into a tiny million pieces, my hope, the yolk. The hope that I would eventually believe the lie I was telling, that I could be normal again. Happy. I stared into the mirror, and stared hopelessly at the stranger reflected. This was not me. Clare.

My skin was sickly pale, so pale that the bags under my eyes seemed like giant bruises. Eyes that used to be as blue as the sky, were dark gray, lifeless. Even my hair that had bounced with life, even when wet, hung flatly around my face. I was different. I was not the Clare Edwards everyone knew. Weak, depressed, _broken. _That's what I was. Then, a rage burned in my chest and swept over me like a wildfire. Before I could stop myself, I slammed my fist into the mirror, obliterating the reflection I refused to acknowledge as reality.

The glass shattered, and the splintering pieces dug into my hand. I pulled my fist away and looked down, realizing something. It felt… _good. _Staring in awe at the crimson rivulets running down from my arm, my ears didn't hear the soft knock that came at the door. Nor did my eyes see the knob turning and the door opening, revealing a person. It was when that person spoke, did I turn around. I stared, clutching my hand in the other, at Adam.

"Clare?!," He asked, incredulously. He walked over to me before I could respond and took my hand into his own.

I was able to control myself for about fifteen seconds, before I broke down into hysteric, pained sobs. "I need help, Adam, I need help…" Adam nodded, listening to me, though I could see in his eyes he was lost in thought. He was probably trying to figure out a way to tell Eli what happened. I felt his chest heave a weary sigh, and guilt flooded my heart.

"Adam, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to… I just got so upset…" I looked up at him, pleading with my eyes.

"Clare. Calm down. Look," He wiped a hand down the side of his face. "We're going to fix that hand up, and you're going to put your clothes back on,and we're going to talk to Eli. Okay?" He gave me a slight smile, and I nodded. He pulled away to look through the cabinet beneath the sink, and found some bandaids and Neosporin.

He applied the Neosporin to the tiny cuts on my hand, and put on the bandaids. Before he left to let me change, he gave me a hug. I closed the door behind him, and stared at my hand one more time. Pulling back on the Tshirt I had been wearing, along with the flannel pyjama pants, I sighed. All I could hope for right now was what I could get the help I needed.

Walking down the stairs, I finally reached the living room where Adam and Eli were waiting. They both looked up as they heard me approaching. Eli smiled his crooked smile at me, and I felt my heart melt a little. He patted the seat in between them, and I sat down.

"Clare," Eli started, smiling, but I could tell he was upset. "Don't be angry, but Adam already told me what happened. What's wrong? We're here for you." His voice was so sweet and it made me wish more than anything in the world that I could be problem-free, the perfect girlfriend.

I fiddled with a button on pants, as I tried to distract myself from the pain of telling him. Shame flushed in my face, and my shoulders slumped in defeat.

"I lied, Eli. I tried so hard to move on from this, to be able to forget, for you. I don't want you to have to deal with me and my problems, but… I just… can't hide the depression I've been feeling any longer. I…need help." I looked into his gorgeous green eyes, filled with concern and sadness, and I hung my head in shame. I caused him to feel like this it was my fault. Then, I was pulled away from my negativity when I felt it. Strong, warm, protective arms wrapping themselves around me, I looked up to see Eli's head buried against my shoulder. As I tensed up, he pulled away and looked at me. Eli cupped my chin in his hand, and I saw his eyes filled with tears.

"We'll get you help, Blue Eyes. I'll do anything for you." He smiled wobbily at me, and I smiled back. Maybe…maybe there was hope for me after all. I sighed before turning to face the table. I looked at the movies laid out before me, and finally spoke.

"So. What movie are we watching?" I looked from Eli to Adam, and waited for a response.

The two boys looked at each other, their eyes lingering on the last movie, before staring at the comedies.

I laughed, knowing what they obviously were dying to watch, and decided that the first change I made would be giving horror movies a chance.

"Okay, since nobody's talking, we're gonna watch The Conjuring."

Adam gasped in shock, along with Eli, and spoke, as if trying to make sure I wasn't delirious.

"Clare! You're.. sure? I mean, I heard it was really scary."

"Yeah, babe. Are you sure you want to? Because we don't have to…it's fine. Really," Eli assured me.

"Yup! I want to try something different. And this seems like I good start," I said, happily.

Adam shrugged at Eli, and got up to pop the DVD in. He settled back down as the previews came on and snuck a glance at me. "Well, uh, I'm not going to hold your hand if you get scared! And…please try not to scream, because if you do, then I'll scream…and well, nobody wants that." He chuckled as Eli scoffed at him and put an arm around me.

"If Clare gets scared, I will hold her hand, and I will keep holding her hand even if she breaks it." He kissed the top of my head and I blushed.

Adam shrugged again and turned to face the movie as it came on. I allowed myself to sink into the couch and prepared myself to be ready to take the first step to recovery. To conquer my many fears, starting with this. Well, here it goes.

**Chapter 5 Complete! Yay! First chapter I made over 3,000 words! I'm excited to write the next chapter where Clare begins to get help. I am having so much fun writing this. And please, if you are enjoying reading this, don't hesitate to tell me! Did anyone see the new episode of Degrassi, Btw? I'm glad that Alli finally came to her senses. (Mini spoiler Alert!) Anyways, will update soon! **

**~~~Beccky**


	6. Opening Up

Today was my first session with Dr. Whitmore. My therapist. Nausea, anxiety and dizziness swirled around inside me, the result of being completely and utterly nervous. I was afraid. The fear of being judged, or passed off as neurotic and nothing else ate away at me. Help is what I wanted, not a lecture. Someone to listen, be there for me in a way nobody else could. Someone that I could say anything I wanted to without consequence. A sense of freedom. I was sitting in Morty, as Eli was driving me to my appointment. With his free hand he was holding my own trembling one. As he stopped at a red light, he stole a glance at me. "Clare," he said gently. I looked at him. "It's going to be alright. This is a step in the right direction, okay? I'm here for you." A lopsided smile pulled at h lips, and I gave him a small one in return. Turning to face the window, I watched the rain that poured heavily from the sky, fall to the ground freely. I wish that I couild be like that, able to move freely, be without a care in the world. All I could hope for was that therapy could give that to me. So that I wouldn't have to hide in the stygian shadows of my insecurities. Finally, Eli pulled into a parking lot of a small, modest building. Greenview Mental Health Center. Eli got out of the car and walked around to my door to open it for me. I stepped out of the car, and he took my hand, guiding me to the building. Behind the glass doors, was a small waiting room with warm red walls, and brown sofas placed strategically around the room. We walked up to the Sign-In desk and were greeted kindly by a middle-aged woman with soft brown eyes and graying brown hair. "Write your name, the time of your appointment and who your appointment is with here, Sweetie." She pushed a clipboard with a sheet of paper on it. I hastily scribbled down my information on it, and thanked her before taking a seat with Eli. The woman then picked up the phone besides her, and dialed a number informing Dr. Whitmore I had arrived. I looked at the pearl-white clock hanging up on the wall and read the time. 2:54. 6 minutes until my road to recovery began. I felt Eli rubbing his thumb comfortingly over my hand, and I laid my head on his shoulder. "Eli?" I asked softly. "Yes Clare?" He responded. I smiled softly and held his hand firmly in mine. "Thank you."

He shifted so that his emerald eyes could gaze into mine. "There's no need to thank me, Clare. I would do anything for you, especially when you helped me get through my own problems." He reached up and tucked a curl behind my ear. Eli was referring to his hoarding problem, his bipolar disorder, and Julia. It had been a long battle. For the both of them. But, if he could get through all of that, I could, no _would _get through this. I looked up when a soft voice cut through my thoughts. "Clare?" I turned from Eli to look at who called my name. A tall slender woman with her chocolate locks cascading past her shoulders looked in my direction. I stood up and walked over to her. The woman smiled warmly and stuck her hand out, while introducing herself. "Hello, Clare. I'm Dr. Whitmore, but you can call me Maya." I returned the smile as I shook hands with her. "Hi, nice to meet you." I turned back to face Eli, and he gestured for me to go, reassuringly. "I'll be here when you're ready to go, Clare." Nodding, I followed Maya as she led me down the hall to her office. It was a pale blue colored room, with a cream colored sofa facing a sage green armchair. Maya directed me towards the sofa, and I sat down. She did as well, and I looked her in the eyes. Hers were almost similar to Eli's, but they were a lighter green, almost transparent. "So," she began, clapping her hands together. "Why don't we begin with a little exercise before you open up about yourself." I nodded, maybe it was a good idea, so I wouldn't be as nervous. The smile remained fixed on her face. Did this lady ever stop smiling? "I want you to write a little poem for me, focusing on how your feelings are right now, so we can go from there. Sound good?" Again, I nodded, and she handed me a pad of paper and a pen. "Take your time, Clare. Don't feel pressured to jot down the first feeling. Take time to think about it." I stared down at the paper, and so many emotions swirled inside me, I found it hard to focus on one particular one, until I remembered what brought me here. The pain, the embarrassment, the degradation. I felt ruined. Suffocated by my dirtiness. I was destroyed. I began writing.

_**I'm drowning in my own despair,**_

_**I hate myself, I won't be the same. **_

_**The anger boils inside me, **_

_**And the sadness rips apart my heart.**_

_**I'm lost in this feeling of worthlessness**_

_**Falling further to the point of no return**_

_**I was a pawn, a piece to his little game. **_

_**Revenge against a war I wasn't in,**_

_**I was defiled, destroyed, and forced to sin.**_

_**It isn't my fault, but I can't change the past.**_

_**What was once purity, was tainted black. **_

_**And he didn't even care.**_

I felt a teardrop slide out of my eye and land on the paper. I didn't even know I was crying. Maya reached over and took the pad from me and rubbed her hand over mine, comfortingly. I looked up at her, and she seemed genuinely concerned.

"Clare, If you feel comfortable, can you tell me what this is about?" Gulping, I swallowed down the lump that lodged itself in my throat. "I was molested. By someone I knew."

Maya nodded, and wrote something down, probably what a freak I am. I felt myself getting ready to cry as my eyes burned with tears. "Can you tell me how this happened, Clare? I know it seems hard, but opening up about it will help get rid of some of the pain. Bottling it up can only make you suffer more."

I listened to her, but at the same time I didn't. What did she know about pain? About being molested? She was being paid to sit here and listen to me ramble about my problems. At the end of the day, she could probably care less about what happened to her patients. I tossed that thought to the back of my mind as I considered something. Maybe she did care, I couldn't just keep doubting everyone's intentions, I wouldn't be able to move on if I did.

Sighing, I struggled to find the right words to begin.

"It was this feud going on between somebody at my school and my boyfriend. It started off as this guy just continuing to bully Eli, and Eli began to fight back. And… I finally managed to convince the guy to leave Eli alone, but at a price; I had to go to the dance with him." I stopped, allowing myself to take a breath before continuing. "Well, Eli wanted revenge yet again, and he slipped ipecac into Fit-this guys drink, and he responded by threatening Eli with a knife. I intervened, but that got me into more trouble… that's when he molested me." The memories began flashing before me and I pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to push them away.

Maya wrote something down again, and tore off a piece of paper, handing it to me. "Clare, this is a prescription for Fluoxetine. It's an anti-depressant, and will ease the anxiety you're feeling. I want you to take half a tablet twice a day, morning and night, until you feel yourself feeling even slightly better, okay?"

I nodded, swallowing hard. _Anti-depressants? _Now I was officially labeled as depressed. I shouldn't have been shocked, but it's hard hearing it from someone else. "When is my next session with you," I asked timidly.

She tapped her pen to her chin thinking, as she flipped through her agenda book.

"How does next Wednesday at two sound?", she asked kindly.

"Great." I had to admit, being here was better than being at Eli's, with him and Adam staring at me like I was a going to break if anyone spoke one wrong word.

"O-kay, well, that brings this session to a halt as this was an introductory one. I'll walk you back down to your boyfriend."

We got up from our seats, and she guided me back down the hall towards the waiting room, where Eli sat tapping his foot to whatever music he was listening to. Dead Hand, probably. I scoffed inwardly, that was all Eli ever listened to. But what can I say, I picked him. He looked up, and his face lit up when he saw me. He rose up from the sofa and put an arm around me. He turned to face Maya and he smiled at her. "So, I assume that Clare's coming back?" He said, smiling, more of a statement than a question. Maya nodded, laughing slightly. "She sure is. Next Wednesday. Make sure she gets her prescription filled." She handed the paper to Eli, and he folded it and stuck it in his wallet. "Well, I guess I will see you next time, Clare. Take care." I mumbled a 'take care' back to her as Eli led me back out to Morty. I slid into the passenger seat, and he into the driver, and we sat there in silence. Eli broke it. "So, what now?" I tilted my head in thought, before I stared out the window. "Just drive, Eli. Just drive." I wanted him to drive long enough so I could process everything that happened today. I thought about everything that's happened so far, and I remembered that moment of relief when I had punched the bathroom mirror. The glass that had embedded in and cut my skin, it had felt euphoric. But I couldn't cut. I couldn't let the pain and depression consume me. I had to get better. I was going to get better…. Wasn't I?

**Wow. Just have to give a quick shoutout to Crazyyellow, Suhlienuh, TheForgetfulTimeLord, Missindegrassi, and Sarahschneider2012. It's a great feeling to know people are reading what you write and liking it. And I hope you all like this chapter as this was **_**extremely **_**hard to write, as I know firsthand what it's like to go through depression. I'm very thankful for all the support and reviews I've gotten, so, Thank you very much for the love. Until next time! :)**

**~~Beccky**

**Chapter 5 Complete! Yay! First chapter I made over 3,000 words! I'm excited to write the next chapter where Clare begins to get help. I am having so much fun writing this. And please, if you are enjoying reading this, don't hesitate to tell me! Did anyone see the new episode of Degrassi, Btw? I'm glad that Alli finally came to her senses. (Mini spoiler Alert!) Anyways, will update soon! **

**~~~Beccky**


	7. Relapse

_**Wow, I just have to say, guys. Almost 1,000 views on this story and its only been up for a month. Reviews or not, I deeply appreciate that people are reading that. I would greatly appreciate reviews, though. I love hearing what you guys have to say about it. The positive feedback motivates me to keep writing. As a note though, there is a trigger warning on this chapter for attempted suicide. Anyways, I hope you like this chapter!**_

_**Eli's POV**_

_Tick. Tick. Tick._

I looked up at the grandfather clock on the wall in front of me, breaking out of the thoughtless trance I had been in. Looking over, I saw that Clare was asleep beside me on my bed. We had gotten home late last night after going out and talking all night. I reached over and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. How did I get so lucky to get a girl, an angel, like Clare? She had helped me through many things, like getting over my guilt about how Julia died, and opening up about my true feelings. So I wasn't hiding behind a stone-mask all the time, or lashing out in anger, fearful that nobody would understand me. But Clare did. A small smirk curved on my lips as I looked at her, sleeping so peacefully. I reached over and grabbed my laptop from my nightstand, hoping Adam was online. I wanted to talk to him for a while until Clare woke up, if she woke up in time. We hadn't had much guy time since his visit last week.

**Eli_G23: Hey, man. What's up?**

Adam replied almost instantly.

**Adam_T17: Not much, dude. Just listening to Drew talk about Bianca. *Rolls Eyes* You?**

**Eli_G23: Lol. I'm just sitting here waiting for Clare to wake up. *Sighs***

**Adam_T17: Haha damn, that girl can sleep! Man, I'm bored tho. **

I chuckled to myself as an idea popped into my head, Adam probably would say yes to what I was going to ask him.

**Eli_G23: Me too. So, do you want to hang out? I was thinking we could go see that new Slasher film that came out.**

**Adam_T17: Hell yes! I want to see that! Ok. When do we go?**

**Eli_G23: Lol let me just go change my shirt and I'll text you when I'm outside your house. K?**

**Adam_T17: Oook. See you then. **

**Eli_G23 has signed **_**off.**_

I got up and walked over to my closet and picked out another Dead Hand shirt. Shrugging the one I had on off, I slipped the new shirt over my head. Again, I looked over at Clare, who was still sleeping soundly. Deciding I was going to write her a note as to where I was heading, I began to look for a piece of paper and pen. Finally finding what I needed, I wrote down the note quickly and placed it beside her.

I glanced at her one last time, before heading out my room, down the stairs and out the front door. As I got into Morty, I texted Adam to tell him I was on my way. The whole ride there I couldn't stop thinking about Clare. I swear, this girl was like a drug to me, I couldn't get enough of her. All I hoped is that Clare would be fine until I came back home with Adam later. She had therapy in two days, and as far as I know, had been on the medication the therapist had prescribed her for three days. I was lost in thought about her and didn't even realize that I almost passed Adam's house until he shouted at me. "Yo, Eli! Did you lose your memory or something?" Laughing he made his way to my car and hopped in the passenger seat. I gave him a lopsided smirk as I drummed the steering wheel with my fingers. "So, you ready?" I asked, nonchalantly. "Yup," Adam replied, popping the "P". With that, I drove off in the direction of the mall.

CLARE's POV.

Silence. That's what welcomed me when I woke up. Propping myself on my elbows I looked around me, realizing Eli wasn't here. Slowly, I made to get up when I felt something under my hand. Looking down, I saw a small folded piece of paper. I picked it up and read it.

_Clare, I went to the mall with Adam for some guy time. Call me or Adam if you need anything, okay, Blue Eyes?_

_Love, Eli_

Sighing, I placed the note back down, gazing at the black ceiling above me. What was I going to do? I considered calling Alli, but I didn't necessarily want to hear about her latest guy-drama. I know, I might sound like a bad friend, but as a girl who was recently prescribed pills to boost her happiness and ease her stress, I wasn't sure if I was ready to take on another problem.

Honestly, I wished CeCe was here because she would know what to do. Unfortunately, Cece was with Bullfrog going to some Radio convention thing. I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palm. Being alone…felt horrible. I wasn't as anxious as I used to be; these pills were doing what they were supposed to do. Though, it didn't change the fact that being without Eli, or without anyone really, sickened me to my very core. My own fear, also known as Monophobia, ate away at my sanity, and shredded my independence into microscopic pieces.

I had to fight hard to get everything back, to get _myself _back, but I was scared. Terribly, completely, and undeniably scared. It was just so incredibly hard to move past that night. Does anyone really think I _want _to be like this? Holing myself up in my own fears and anti-socialism? No. I _want _to be normal. I _want _to move on. But these invisible hands and my own damn self keep pulling me back into that memory I wish I didn't have to relive. I felt the bile rise up into my throat at the thought that it was only me that was holding myself back from moving on. I was at fault. _My fault. My fault. My fault. _It was me who caused my parents to fight non-stop, it was me who could have done something to change what happened that night, and it was me who was in the way of fully recovering. _My __**Fault. **_

Before I could stop it, I felt my guilt spew out of me in the form of vomit. Guilt-ridden, remorseful vomit. Sitting there for god knows how long, I stared at the mess in front of me, breathing raggedly and heavily. No matter what I tried to do to stop it, I had to face it. I was becoming undone. The fake shell of normalcy I created broke into pieces, and everything that lay beneath it flooded free, a swarm of all my negativity. Everything that was wrong with me. Oh, god. I twisted my hands into my hair, and I screamed. Really screamed, It was an angst-ridden, tortured, agonized scream that left my body before I could control it.

I was a fucking mess. How the hell was I ever going to get over this? An answer appeared in my head before what was left of my rationality could shoo it away. Pain. Robotically, I got up and headed towards the bathroom. I looked around, before finally spotting what it was I wanted. A razor. Grabbing it off of the ledge of the sink, I slid down to the luminescent linoleum floor, clutching it in my hands. Fishing my phone out of my pocket, I sent Eli one text before submitting myself to my own way of releasing the guilt and anguish swirling inside of me.

**I'm sorry.**

Eli's POV.

We had just finished the movie when Adam suggested we go get some of that awesome ice cream he had been dying to try since Drew had brought it home once from a date. He was wild-eyed and hyper, as he always is after he sees something completely epic. Walking through the parking lot, it seemed like forever until we found out where Morty was parked.

It seemed kind of silly that we couldn't spot a hearse among the cars. Well, there was a lot of cars. I put the little bag I was carrying in the backseat before sliding into the driver seat. It was something I had got for Clare. No, it wasn't an engagement ring, no matter how many times Adam had asked or insisted it was. It was a promise ring, though different from the one Clare had worn before she lost her virginity.

A Beautiful rose-gold band, with two moderate sized blue Topaz jewels glittering besides one another. The moment I saw it, I Knew that was the one for my Clare. It resembled her brilliant blue orbs, the ones I got completely lost in, and I could not pass up purchasing it. I just hoped that she loved it. Engraved on the back of the ring was,

_Clare, Promise me you'll be mine forever. _

And that's exactly what I wanted, for her to be with me forever. Dammit, I loved this girl with every fiber of my being. I decided that I would call her to tell her I was on my way home so we could all hang out, so I pulled out my phone. Looking down at it, I saw that I had one missed alert. It was from Clare. Opening it, I felt my heart jump into my throat as I read it.

**Clare3: I'm sorry.**

What could she possibly mean? What did she have to be sorry for? Her text sounded so… final. Then it clicked in my head. _Final. _Oh, god, oh shit. I felt the color drain from my face, and Adam noticed it.

"Eli, what's up?" He asked, his brow furrowing in concern.

I felt fear and nervousness block my throat, hindering me from speaking. I handed him the phone, and he immediately knew why I was so tense. "Oh, fuck.." he mumbled softly. Suddenly, his face lit up with determination. "Well drive, Eli, for fuck's sake!" I came back down to earth as he said this, and nodded. Quickly, I started up the car and sped off towards my house., as Adam called for an ambulance. I only hoped we weren't too late.

_Stay with me, Clare. _

_Stay with me, Blue Eyes._

_**Wow. I can't believe this story is already in its 7**__**th**__** chapter. Holy damn! I hope to update in the next week or so, this story is addicting to write. Anyways! Tell me what you think! Review after you read, peeps! It makes me very happy! Thanks in advance,**_

_**~~Beccky**_


	8. Decisions

_**YIKES! Sorry for not updating sooner, folks! I had to attend to several things, as my dog recently passed away. ): Anyways, This chapter is going to focus more on Clare's mind and how she feels about what she's done(which you'll find out in this chapter. Soo, I've decided to switch this chapter back to third person, as it fits what I've written. I hope you all like it!**_

_Wish someone would tell me I'm fine._

_Nothing's alright, nothing's fine._

_-Papa Roach_

Sirens. That's all Clare could vaguely hear as she lay slumped against the wall in her bathroom. That's all her body allowed her to acknowledge, save for the fluorescent lights blinding her, before she slipped into unconsciousness.

She didn't care that her white capris were stained from her own blood pooling beneath her. The release; that's the only thing she wanted to achieve. The feeling of pure bliss, pain fading as you slip away from the source causing it. Serenity. This is what the great and holy Clare Edwards has fallen to; committing sins against her religion, being tainted by impurity, and destroying everything she believed in…including herself.

Was it ridiculous for her to resort to this solution, that suicide would fix everything? Of course, she didn't think so, otherwise she wouldn't be in this situation. What would Eli think of her now? Mom, Dad? Alli? Adam? Why the hell should she care? They weren't suffering from this agony toiling inside them, _she _was.

It was incredibly stupid of her to think that somebody that doesn't even know her, just because they have a degree, could fix her. She was beyond repair. Couldn't everyone see that? In her mind, Clare did nothing wrong. Her suicide would give benefits to everyone's lives. Mom and Dad would have almost nothing to argue about, Alli could go on and make new friends without being held back, Adam could spsend more time with Eli without the worries of intruding on Date Night, and well, Eli… Eli could find someone that could truly make him happy. Someone that wasn't boring, complicated, and annoying just like her. That seemed like more than enough reasons to do what she did.

Though, she hadn't completed it. Here she was, still breathing, albeit slowly. No matter how badly she wanted it, life just seemed to want her to continue to suffer. Hell, she couldn't even _die _properly. How she managed to get perfect grades was unknown to her. If she was able to, she would've laughed. Being stuck in unconsciousness sucked.

What the hell was she supposed to do, some predictable thing, like pulling a Scrooge and relaying how her suicide would affect her past, present and future? No. That was just idiotic. She already knew how it would affect everyone so there was simply no point in rehashing the details. Clare only hoped that Eli would try to respect her decision, and not try to play the hero by rescuing her.

She didn't want to be rescued. Clare wasn't a princess, so she didn't need a fairytale ending. As she lay there in semi-unconsciousness, the only regret that came to her mind was that she would not have the chance to have children. Which was devastating, because Clare had always wanted to be a mother.

The option of being able to give her child the easy life she never had was one she'd take in a heartbeat. Of course, she couldn't do that if she was dead. What if she had had a child in the future and attempted suicide then? Leaving her child alone with the father, which would have been Eli, to grieve. She couldn't do that. So, it was good she chose now, for she had nothing to worry about except breaking Eli's heart.

Which, she was sure he'd get over eventually. Because, Clare Edwards wasn't that special. She was just another Plain Jane mixed in with the truly beautiful and unique girls. She was nothing compared to Alli, even Darcy. Feeling herself begrudgingly come back to earth, she squinted open her eyes reluctantly. God, it was real. She wasn't dead. Unless, the Afterlife was playing some sick joke on her, and instead of going to Heaven, she was stuck reliving her last moments eternally. Nope. Yet again, the obnoxiously loud sound of sirens invaded her eardrums, and had she had enough energy, she would've winced. God. Damnit. Did Eli figure her out? Because the sirens abruptly stopped, and the shouting she heard outside sounded awfully close to her house. Shit, who was she kidding? Eli wasn't stupid. Of course he figured it out, he could see through her like glass. Leave it to Eli to keep her from doing something stupid, even if she desperately wanted to.

Well, it was her own fault for picking someone stubborn and smart. As she heard the vague sound of her door being broken into, Clare shut her eyes slowly in defeat. The blood was still pouring out of her wrists, so she would just let everyone think that she was unconscious. She didn't want to see Eli's face right now. She was pretty sure that it would be filled with worry, angst, and anger. The loud thumping of footsteps stormed up the stairs leading to her bedroom. They stopped briefly, before a loud crash rang through the air, and the lock to her bathroom door busted open.

"Oh, _shit_," she heard someone say, "Someone get me a stretcher and some gauze to stop the bleeding, stat!", presumably an EMT. Someone, no _two _someones, could be heard forcing their way into the room, and two panicked-sounding "_Clare!"s _filled the room. Clare felt a gust of wind blow on her as the two embodiments of the voices ran towards her. She felt a calloused hand and cool metal caress her face.

"Oh, Clare" the owner of the hand whispered sadly. Suddenly, she felt herself being lifted off the ground and onto what she presumed to be a stretcher. Voices were talking all around her, and she barely heard Adam's speaking to her parents on his phone. Eli's hand held hers the whole time as she felt herself being lifted into an ambulance. His lips lightly brushed her temple, and she felt his warm breath tickle her ear as he whispered, "I want answers when you are all taken care of, Clare-Bear." She let herself acknowledge the worry laced with slight anger in his voice, before fully and willingly succumbing to darkness.

_**Thanks for reading, everyone! Hope you all liked it! Don't hesitate to let me know! Haha. Hope everyone had a great weekend, and will be updating soon. TaTa for now,**_

_**Beccky~~~~**_


	9. Explanations

_Now I know, that I can't make you stay,_

_But where's your heart?_

_-My Chemical Romance_

Elijah Goldsworthy sat down in the tattered and worn chair in a place he'd become all too familiar with. A _Hospital. _No, he wasn't here for himself, but he very damn well could be. His hands wouldn't stop shaking, no matter how hard he clasped them together, and his converse clad foot wouldn't stop erratically against the dirty linoleum floor. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get his racing pulse to relax, and he couldn't keep the worry from rising as bile into his mouth, even though he kept fighting it back down.

Dragging the heels of his palms down his face, Eli hid his head in his arms, unwilling to let others see how scared and vulnerable he'd become. He felt a small hand pat him on the back, and he looked up to see Adam sitting next to him, soda in hand. Adam reached towards Eli with it, murmuring,

"Here, dude, you need this more than I do." Smiling weakly, Eli took the cold can from Adam but didn't drink it. Instead, he rotated it in his hands, desperate to find something that would get the image of Clare lying in her own blood out of his godforsaken head. He jumped back involuntarily as the cool metal reminded him of how cold her hands had felt. The blood. All the goddamn blood. It filled his mind and that's all he could see when he shut his eyes.

'_No, stop, Eli! Don't go down this path! Clare is okay! Clare will __**be **__okay. Breathe. Breathe', _he told himself desperately. But he couldn't breathe. No. The blood, _her blood_ seeped into his brain, and it made his heart wrench and beat wildly in response. This reminded him of Julia. This was déjà vu. He had been sitting in the _same _fucking hospital the night Julia died. No, she didn't kill herself.

He killed her. He, Elijah fucking Goldsworthy, killed his ex-girlfriend. No, not directly, of course. They had gotten into an argument over how Julia couldn't deal with how _fucked up _he was, and he had pleaded with her to listen to him, to hear him out. Julia hadn't listened. She just talked over him, shouting that, ' "**For someone who didn't want drama, your whole messed up self brings a whole fucking lot of it! **'" Eli had frozen, and struggled to detach himself from his emotions, and had responded with a cold, **"Yeah? Well if you don't like it, get the fuck out! You never had to stay!" **

Inside, he had been dying, screaming at himself for saying that. Because, he knew that once those words had left his mouth, he would never see her again. And the world made damn sure he had been right about that. April 22nd. That was the fateful night that his words became true. Julia had died. She had taken off on her bike, devastated and angry, and was ultimately hit by a car. It was exactly 11:45 when the hospital had called and had informed him of what happened.

It had been 11:59 when he had made it to the hospital, rushing there faster than a hurricane. 12:06 when he found himself sitting in the waiting room, waiting for permission to see her. And it had been five fucking more minutes later when the doctor had come out with Julia's sobbing mother and tear-stricken father in tow. He had been right. It was all his fault. All his fault. All his fault. All his _**fucking **_fault.

He shook himself out of his thoughts, forcing himself to forget that night. It didn't matter anymore, all that mattered was Clare. He turned as he felt piercing blue eyes stare holes into him, and had he not known who was sitting next to him, he would've mistaken it to be Clare. "What, Adam?" he snapped, too agitated and worried to have Adam attempt to lighten the mood.

"Yo, dude. I know what you're thinking. It's not your fault, Clare did what she did for whatever reason," Eli cut him off with an angry glare before he continued, "Which we'll find out when she wakes up. Okay? So chill." He rolled his eyes at Adam, and was about to make a sarcastic retort when the doctor stepped out in to the room from god-knows-where. "Uhh, Mr. and Mrs. Edwards… and Elijah Goldsworthy?" Adam huffed out an annoyed sigh before adding, "And one Adam Torres!"

The doctor stared at him bemusedly for a moment before going on. "Yes. Um, right. Ahem. Well, Ms. Edwards is awake now, if you'd like to see her." He produced two bottles out of his pocket before handing them to her mother. "Those bottles there are painkillers and the other one is anti-depressants. She'll be needing to take both of them twice a day, two tablets each." He looked at Mrs. Edwards who was about to ask him the question he was about to answer. "And yes, Clare is fine. The cuts aren't too deep, aren't too shallow, but she's fine. It's just the excessive blood loss that put her in the woods." Her mother nodded.

"So, I should probably go get things ready at home then," she said, rather dismissively. Her husband stared at her in shock, almost shouting, "Helen!" She raised her eyebrows at him, snidely replying, "Well, in her condition, Clare really isn't well enough to make her bed and such now, is she, Randall?" Randall shook his head at her dejectedly, mumbling a meek 'thank you' to the doctor, before practically dragging Helen out of the hospital by the arm.

Finally, the doctor motioned for Adam and Eli to follow, which they eagerly did. He finally stopped when they reached a door, and opened it. There lay Clare, his beautiful girlfriend, staring boredly at the ceiling. She quickly looked up when she heard the door open, and her face broke out into a guilty frown.

Her doctor had decided that it was alright for Adam and Eli to be alone with her, so they took the two vacant seats next to her. Adam was faster than Eli at asking her what they both wanted to know. _"Why, _Clare?" Her big blue eyes were dim, no sparkle left in them. She stared down at her hands, giving a half-shrug before answering.

" I'm still not over what he did to me…and no, Eli, therapy just isn't for me. And I just feel so god-damn guilty, yes that's right, I swore. Anyway, I feel so guilty that you guys dropped everything just to try and help clean up this pathetic mess I became…I just wanted out. I didn't want to feel pain, I didn't want to feel guilt, I didn't want to feel anything. I didn't want to be alone- -" she was cut off by Eli claiming indignantly, "But, _Clare, _you weren't alone! _We _were here!"

Clare just stared at him, as if she didn't believe him. "Yes, yes I know you guys were here, but you had no idea what I was going through!" She almost cried, as she felt the tears prick her eyes.

"You wouldn't let us in on your feelings, you insisted you were fine, especially after the therapist! How can you possibly expect us to know what you don't tell us?!" Eli felt a scream of frustration build in his throat, but he bit it back down, looking at the vulnerable girl in front of him.

"I didn't know how… I was scared, Eli! I'm scared I'm going to be too much for you to handle one day, and that you're going to lose it again! I can't hurt you like that, I _won't _hurt you like that! That's why… that's w-why…" She trailed off, as tears began to block her vision.

Eli sighed heavily, raking a hand through his hair, before he forced himself to look into her broken eyes. "That's why, what, Clare?" he asked as calmly as possible.

"That's why… I did it. So you didn't have to deal with the drama that was thrown at you because of me. I did it so you'd be happy, Eli, so that one day you could find someone who really knew…" Eli's eyes darkened dangerously, as he growled, "Don't you dare finish that sentence, Clare Edwards." She shrunk back slightly in fear at his tone, remembering the way Fitz's eyes had looked. Eli noticed this, and Adam placed a hand on his wrist to calm him down, which he did.

"Clare, Is there something you're not telling us? Because, if there is, you know for a fact you can tell us." The smaller boy said softly. That's all he had to say before Clare burst into teachers, sobbing into het hands. "Clare…" Eli had started to say, his features softening, before Adam signaled for him not to continue. She cried for a few more minutes, before wiping her now reddened eyes.

"Eli… I'm so, so scared you're going to leave me.." she sniffled and looked away in shame. He grabbed her hand and held it in his firmly, tightly. "Clare Diane Edwards, nothing you do could ever make me leave you." She gulped before willing herself to look into his brilliantly bright green eyes. "I'm scared that you'll never love me the same way again after what happened, and I'm scared of making you angry…because…because…"

Her face scrunched into another sob, and Eli quickly gathered her in his arms, burying her head into his chest. "No. No. Clare, god, no. I will **always **love you, no matter what. Believe me, Blue Eyes. You are my fucking _everything _and I won't leave you because of what that sick bastard did to you. And you best believe that I would never hurt you, _ever. _I would take a knife to the eye before I'd ever even dream of laying a hand on you. I love you too much."

She wrapped her frail arms around his waist and sobbed freely. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, until Clare broke away from him. What she said next made Adam and Eli both gasp. "I know it's going to take a lot more for me to overcome my fears… but I have to do this."

"What, Clare? What do you have to do?" Adam and Eli asked in unison.

"I need to see Fitz. I need the first part of my closure."

**Here's Chapter 9! Would greatly appreciate reviews for this 2:AM chapter. Haha (: Anyways, hope you all like this chapter, and will be updating soon. P.S thought I'd give a little more background on Eli as this is turning out to be a very Clare-centric fic. Hope you all like how I twisted Eli and Julia's fight around a bit, and isn't Clare's mom such a bee-yatch?**


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